she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
