mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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