When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
