Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
