I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
