Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
