Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
