omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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