i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
