I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
