I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
