too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
