Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
