WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
