I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
