I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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