Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
