you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He? As in you personified your dick?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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