I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
