it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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