low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
