operation have a gay friend backfired
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
