when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
