no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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