I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
