My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
