Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
