I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
