Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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