Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
