Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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