Will you blow on my dice?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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