When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
