you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
