My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
