So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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