it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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