I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
