What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
