he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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