Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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