you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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