she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
