HIV tests are more positive than that guy
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
