She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
