hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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