i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
