Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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