Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
