Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
