Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
