If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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