I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish I only lived at night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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