I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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