Heybabeimwearingurpanties
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
